The Chief's New Clothes
by Wolfie-Dragon
Summary: It's the first Snoggletog after Stoick's death, and Astrid is looking for a way to cheer Hiccup up. One problem: her mother keeps her busy with tailoring and other household lessons, citing their upcoming marriage. Astrid is not easily stopped when she is on a mission, however, especially when it involves new holiday traditions. Fluffy one-shot written for Secret Odin on tumblr.


Astrid hated her mother.

Well, normally she loved her mother, but right now, she wished for the older woman to be eaten by a swarm of Terrible Terrors. She deserved it for the torment she was inflicting on Astrid.

"Mother, why is this necessary? I'm never going to do this ever again!" she finally shouted as she threw down her needles after pricking herself yet again. Her fingers were bloody, and while normally she welcomed pain, she preferred the pain to be worthwhile, as part of combat training or an intense flight.

Not freaking tailoring.

"Astrid, you're engaged now, _finally_ ," Kirsten said calmly, but Astrid could hear the sting in the last word. Her mother had nagged Astrid for five years straight that she needed to seal the deal with Hiccup already, before some 'more domestically gifted' girl snatched him away. And while Astrid knew that that would never happen, she had been worried about the implications of marriage.

"When you two are living together, you'll be responsible for the household and his personal possessions. That includes his clothes, and in time, your children's clothes. You will have to tailor them, mend them, adjust them as he needs," she calmly continued, reinforcing Astrid's worries about marriage.

Especially the _'domestic duties'_ her mother kept yammering on about. While she couldn't imagine a life without Hiccup, she had a hard time imagining what that life would look like exactly. Them flying and fighting together, exploring the world and rescuing dragons, sure. But at the end of the day, when they went home hungry and tired, their clothes torn?

Astrid couldn't see herself cooking dinner and lovingly knitting new socks for their newborn child. It just wasn't… _her_.

Wasn't them.

"He's chief, we can pay or command someone to make clothes for us," Astrid said, glaring at the lump of wool in her lap that was supposed to be a scarf.

"And what would the women of the village say? They'd mock you! A chieftess who can't even run her own house? And a chief who can't get his own wife to do her duties?! Insane!" her mother shouted, and Astrid sighed. Her parents were normally very accepting of Astrid's shieldmaiden ways, but ever since the engagement was announced, her mother seemed to think taming her daughter was her new goal in life.

"And they won't laugh when Hiccup wears this?" Astrid dryly asked as she lifted the scarf, mentally cringing at the many small holes and wobbly shape.

"Oh, Astrid, that's normal. You just have to practice. It won't be perfect on the first try! That's why you need to work on it!" Kirsten happily said as she finished up yet another sweater, adding it to the large pile of way too perfect garments next to her.

Astrid didn't bother to answer. Instead she rolled her eyes and stabbed the wool with her needles again, trying to make the ends of the scarf look less… terrible.

"Look, child… You have to want to do it. Don't you want to clothe Hiccup? Make sure he's warm and comfortable?" her mother suddenly said, her voice much warmer than before. Astrid didn't know what to say. Of course she wanted Hiccup to be warm, but it just seemed so hard, and she had no idea what her scarf was supposed to look like. She had tried to mix several colors of wool into it, hoping to add a dragon shape, but now it was an ugly mix of reds and black.

"I guess, but… I'm not sure how," she slowly admitted, keeping her eyes fixed on her lap.

"You know, Astrid… He's been so sad lately, ever since his father died. And now the dragons are leaving too. You of all people know how much he adores that Night Fury, so that's not going to help his mood. How about you think of something nice to make for him for Snoggletog, and I'll help you make it? Something to drive the cold away? Anything at all, as long as you want to make it," Kirsten said, and Astrid frowned.

Hiccup had been very sad lately, focusing on his new chiefdom and rebuilding the village, trying to bury himself in work and more work. He needed something to cheer him up when Toothless and the other dragons were gone to lay their eggs.

Suddenly she got an idea, and a smile grew on her face.

"I've got something," she said.

* * *

Hiccup knew that grin. That too-wide toothy grin that made him slightly uncomfortable. The one that said "I'm going to do something, and I expect you to help me with it, because I think it's a great idea,"

It reminded him of yaknog and missing toes and exploding eggs.

The grin told him Astrid's new mysterious Snoggletog tradition wouldn't be much better than hitting people in the face for walking under a severed toe.

He also knew that, no matter how hard she tried, and no matter how good she was at fighting and athletics, Astrid was no builder or engineer. Which made the covered wheelbarrow she had brought way more ominous. He kept glancing down at it, wondering if its contents were going to explode or burn. It reminded him of the 'flying gift delivery' she had tried to implement a few years ago, when dragons had to drag a wheelbarrow through the sky and throw gifts down chimneys.

It didn't go well. For a great many reasons.

But he also knew those eyes. Those big blue eyes, wide in glee and happiness, anticipating his agreement. He knew those pupils would shrink and her eyes would turn away if he told her what he thought of her grin and her wheelbarrow.

He couldn't say no to those eyes. He wondered if she and Toothless had given each other lessons on adorable eyes. He certainly didn't stand a chance against either of them.

But Toothless was gone, accompanying the breeding dragons to the nesting grounds. It was his duty as Alpha, Hiccup knew that. But it still made him feel so empty. An emptiness that added to the existing hole in his heart where his father used to be.

He couldn't bear to hurt the third part of his heart as well. So he took a deep breath, forced a smile to his face and asked "A new holiday tradition? What is it?"

"Well, first of all you're gonna have to take off your clothes…" Astrid said, and Hiccup's eyes widened in shock.

"Woah, woah, woah! Uhm, Astrid, I'm, Uh, I'm glad you're so comfortable with this, but our wedding isn't for another three months and I think your dad might kill me if we do stuff and I really don't want that, well, the killing part, not the other part, I'd quite like that, wait, that came out wrong-" Hiccup's brain seemed to stop working at her statement, and instead seemed content to say whatever came to mind.

"No! Not… Ugh, that's not… Don't take off your clothes in front of me! I've got new clothes for you! To wear during Snoggletog! And I need to know if they fit!" Astrid interrupted him, and Hiccup was glad he wasn't the only one blushing bright red.

"Oh. Oh, right. Of course. Uhm… I'll go to my room then, and change…" he stuttered, desperately hoping she didn't think he was a pervert.

His boot and metal foot were suddenly fascinating objects to look at.

"Okay, here you go. Now try it! If they fit you're gonna have to wear it for the feast tonight! I've got matching clothes for the entire gang!" Astrid said, almost too happily, as she took something black from the wheelbarrow and shoved it in his arms. Hiccup nodded, still too embarrassed to speak, before turning around and walking up the stairs towards his room.

Only when he firmly closed the door behind him and had calmed his breathing did he look at the clothes he was holding.

"Uhm… Astrid? What is this?" he called out as he tried to make sense of the thing he was holding.

"It's a… what did mom call it… a full-body suit. A costume. Like your flight suit. Put your feet- Uhm, foot, I mean, in first, and then you can put the rest in," Astrid called back, and it didn't really lessen Hiccup's worries.

On the one hand, he was glad it didn't look explosive or toxic for once.

On the other hand, he wasn't quite sure why the thing had a tail and wings.

* * *

"Come on, Hiccup! The feast has already started!" Astrid called to him, running ahead on the stairs to the Great Hall while Hiccup struggled to keep up.

Climbing these stairs was hard with his leg. It was even harder when his prosthetic was covered with a leg and sock made of black wool, while the tail kept swinging forward and causing him to trip.

But Astrid just looked so radiant, so happy wearing her blue costume as she reached her wool-covered hand out to him to pull him up the last few steps, he couldn't bring himself to complain.

And he had to admit, the costumes were pretty cute, even if they didn't fit very well.

"Astrid! There you are!" Fishlegs called as they walked into the Hall, and Hiccup could only barely contain his laughter when he saw they were indeed wearing matching outfits.

Fishlegs was wearing a very wide, brown, bobbly suit, his head peaking out of the gaping maw of what was clearly supposed to be a Gronkle. The sleeves seemed to be too short, his upper arms apparently residing in the large round central part of the garment.

Snotlout stood next to him, looking very peeved and annoyed, and Hiccup wondered if the boy realized how much his expression resembled Hookfang's, just like the suit he was wearing looked like the Monstrous Nightmare. Enormous wings were attached to his back, but without a support system they drooped down, looking very sad. Spikes, probably Nadder spikes painted red, covered his hood, flanked by two eggs painted to look like eyes.

Hiccup was most surprised by Ruffnut and Tuffnut, literally joined at the hip for once. They were wearing a Zippleback costume, their chests and heads stuffed in what seemed to be way too tight necks, while their lower bodies joined together in one Zippleback chest. The fact that they each only had one hand available didn't stop them from punching each other as they argued over how to move their four legs.

"Hey Astrid, with this thing covering my head I can't really drink anything too thick. So I'm just gonna skip yaknog this year, okay?" Snotlout said, nearly tripping over his large tail.

"Oh, really? Then you'll have to go to the mead barrels! I hung a missing toe over them, so we can test how good these costumes are at absorbing punches!" Astrid said, and Hiccup wasn't sure if she was threatening Snotlout or if she was just that enthusiastic about it. Her expression was seriously happy, but her spiked Nadder costume made her look quite menacing.

The fact that, whenever she moved, her tail made of throwing knives would drag over the floor with a horrible grating sound only made her more terrifying, no matter how cute she looked with her head peaking out under the large beak.

"Hiccup? What is this?" Valka suddenly asked, and Hiccup tried to spin around, slipping when the wool sock around his prosthetic refused to let him slide as easily.

He must have looked quite silly, he supposed, flat on his back in a Night Fury costume, and it only got worse when he tried to roll over so he could get up, but found it impossible with his heavy wings and tail underneath him. Astrid's creations clearly needed some more adjustments.

Thankfully, Astrid was eager to distract his mother.

"A new holiday tradition! The dragons aren't here, so I figured we should dress up as our dragons instead! I can make you a Stormcutter costume for next year!" she exclaimed as she pulled him to his feet, and Hiccup smiled sheepishly. He wondered what his dad would say if he saw them like this, and the thought made his face fall. His dad wouldn't see him like this.

"Oh my, Hiccup told me of your holiday traditions, but I didn't expect this! But it's cute! I'd love to have a Cloudjumper one!" Valka enthusiastically said, and Hiccup couldn't help but smile slightly when he saw his mom and Astrid so happy.

"You'll have to talk to my mom then! She helped! Well, she did most of the knitting, but I put it all together!" Astrid said, and Hiccup suddenly understood why all the proportions were off.

"Well, I think that by next year Astrid should be able to do it on her own. As long as she's not too busy knitting baby clothes by then!" Astrid's mother suddenly said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. Astrid groaned.

"For Thor's sake, mother! I'm not knitting baby clothes!" she said, crossing her arms (paws?) in a clear sign of annoyance, and Hiccup sniggered when she looked just like Stormfly when she was denied chicken.

"Oh, just you wait. Last year you said you were never gonna marry either, and look where we are now!" Kirsten laughed, and Astrid's face became redder and redder.

"Mother… Can't we just enjoy the feast?" Astrid begged, looking at Valka and him for help, and Hiccup felt a little sorry for her.

"Oh no, my daughter finally made clothes, that deserves a feast of its own! But you still need to practice more! Look at these stitches! These edges!" Kirsten said as she pulled Fishlegs' arm forward, pointing at different parts of the shoulder joint.

Valka leaned towards Hiccup, whispering in his ear. "Poor Astrid. My mom was the same. And making clothes for Stoick was so much work, he was so big." Hiccup briefly wondered if that was one of the reasons she stayed away from Berk so long, but then forced himself to think of the present, not the past.

"Mother! Isn't it good enough?" Astrid said, trying to look threatening, though the effect was lost when one of her head spikes fell off.

"Well, there's your answer! The chief deserves the best. You don't want his pants to rip randomly, do you?" Kirsten said, and Hiccup blushed.

"Ugh, mom!" Can we not talk about that here?" Astrid asked, and Hiccup prepared to intervene. He was the chief after all, no matter how often he forgot that.

"Oh, alright. But just because it's Snoggletog! And after the feast, I want to see both of you. And then, Astrid, you're going to learn about adjusting clothing. Because, by Freya, you're going to need it!" Kirsten said, and Hiccup realized this was not a request. It was a command.

He didn't feel like a chief right then. He started to understand that, even when you're chief, there are some people you just don't say no to.

One of them was his dragon and best friend. Another was his very beautiful girlfriend with her sweet eyes. The last one was her very commanding mother.

The other dragon riders looked at him with sympathy as Kirsten walked around him, already muttering about which parts needed to be adjusted and fussing over loose ends.

"Don't worry, Hiccup. Stoick had to deal with my mother too. But at least you'll learn about tailoring too. I think you might have to be the one who really makes the pants in this relationship," Valka whispered in his ear when Kirsten moved to examine Snotlout, and Hiccup nodded.

He had already figured he'd have to do housework too. Because no matter how much Kirsten tried, Hiccup knew she could never turn Astrid into a doting housewife. And besides, he had more experience than Astrid, having designed his flight suit himself.

"Maybe we can make our clothes together when we're married, milady," he whispered in Astrid's ear when her mother snapped at the twins for tearing their costume, and Astrid smiled brightly all of a sudden.

"Thank you! Oh gods, I don't want to do this by myself, ever! Though together we can make even cuter things for next Snoggletog! Maybe make dragon costumes for everybody in the village! Or make a giant cloth dragon! Like a balloon! Or…" Astrid started listing ideas for new holiday traditions, and Hiccup couldn't help but smile. Even though the dragons weren't there, he was sure Snoggletog would never be boring with Astrid beside him.


End file.
